5 Easy Ways to Get Out of Fights and Disagreements

BY CUCAN PEMO

Someone asked me, “Cucan, is it possible for us to go back to the way we were; that things will be the same as it was initially when we first met, or when we first fell in love?”

My answer is, you can’t fall in love forever! One day you will fall out of it. In fact, change is the only constant in this world. Things can’t stay the same all the time.

Because of change, life is forever beatiful and spontaneous!

But because of your faith, you can stay together till the end of time.

To keep your partner in the relationship with you, what you can do is to learn how to get out of fights and disagreements as quickly as possible.

1. Be aware of the times when you assert yourself too strongly.

Try to catch yourself and prevent the urge to question his whereabouts, her hairstyle, his not spending time with the babies, her not behaving in the way you want in front of your friends, etc.

Understand that you can fall into the trap of wanting to see your partner as how you want hm or her to be, not how he or she wants his or her life to be.

2. Understand that when we feel hurt, or feel offended, the feeling is our response.

One morning you could go to work feeling miserable, or with your self-confidence shaken because of some adverse experience.

Your partner comes by and gives you a hug, and you feel good about yourself.

But not today. Today you are suffering tension from self-doubt, anxiety and insecurity. You take your partner’s action the wrong way, become offended. This is when quarrels occurs, breakups happen.

So, remember this: We are injured and hurt emotionally, not so much by other people or what they say or don’t say, but by our own attitude and our own response.

3. Remind yourself that you have the power to be able to pause.

Be willing to see the truth, select an appropriate response, thereby CHOOSING the direction your relationship with your loved one will go.

Remember this: No one reacts to “things as they are,” but to his own mental images or OPINIONS of what is happening.

Most of the time your partner’s reaction or action is not taken to frustrate or disappoint you, but because he (she) “understands” and interprets the situation differently from you.

Always ask yourself this question: “Why is he (she) acting the way he (she) does?”

4. Don’t add your own opinions to facts.

Fact: Your wife asks for more space and freedom from you. Opinion: She does not care about our relationship anymore.

Fact: Your boyfriend orders the food he likes. Opinion: He never thinks of what I would like to eat today.

Fact: Your husband throws his clothes onto the bed after work. Opinion: He does this to purposely irritate me.

You kick up a fuss. Most likely other unrelated stuff will be brought in and a storm will begin.

Ask yourself, are you reacting to your own opinions or to facts?

5. Train youself to always possess a feeling of constructive influence over your partner through your own personality.

Many people feel themselves as so incapable and lousy that they can’t seem able to resolve a fight or quarrel with their partner.

So what do they do? They continue to fight, and they continue to quarrel.

Just remind yourself that two people can look at the same thing differently. If you catch yourself arguing for something not important at all, decide to walk away from it at once! Decide that it is just not worth it to spoil a wonderful relationship over a minor issue.

Remember, being in a relationship is not “never fight with my boyfriend,” nor is it “never argue with my wife.”

It’s how quickly you can snap out of a disturbing situation.

Cucan Pemo is author of Bring Back the Love of Your Life!, a potent 4-step strategy which always works, no matter what type of relationship you are involved in, no matter how difficult or hopeless your situation appears. Free details.